hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
