we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
