His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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