pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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