would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
