I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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