Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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