life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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