I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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