No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."