They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.