my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.