Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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Actions speak louder than pants.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...