Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.