my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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