How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
