i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The Olympian is in my bed
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