Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
