her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
