Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
