Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
