i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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