If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude. I can hear the air.
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