so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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