a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
