I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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