so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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