Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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