Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?

(1-563): View more from Iowa

The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?

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(703): View more from Virginia

i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day

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(204): View more from Manitoba

between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(208): View more from Idaho

Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese

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(914): View more from New York

I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?

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