How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?