I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.