I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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