exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.