like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
