I just cut my nipple shaving
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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