Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize