People with herpes should wear stickers.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.