we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
