I cockslap morals
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
