sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.