Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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