so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.