a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.