I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito