Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.