I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This house was built for laser tag.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?