did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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