I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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