listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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