Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
