I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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