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Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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