Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize