no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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