i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
