wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
