:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours