is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.