Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night