I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence