Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.