How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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