So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
