Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize