had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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