I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
