my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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